Part Three
That night, Kory lay awake, physically and emotionally exhausted, but unable to put her mind to rest. She focused on the warmth radiating from the blonde angel lying next to her, which always lulled her to sleep, even in the most restless of nights. Tonight, however, Kory felt like Michelle’s warmth had turned into a burning heat, and succeeded in only making Kory more restless. Slowly and carefully, Kory pulled herself from the grasp of the heavy comforter and Michelle’s limp arm and left the room. She found a slip of paper and a pen in the kitchen and jotted down a quick note about not feeling well and not wanting to get Michelle sick, signed it with just a ‘K’ and snuck back into the bedroom to leave it on her pillow. It wasn’t quite a lie, really, Kory had begun to feel sick from the heat, but it wasn’t the full truth.
Kory found her journal and began writing:
‘I had another attack last night. Again from crowds and people, but this time it was worse. I think it was the fear that M thought of me as just a friend, but it caused something horrifying to happen. While I was trying to get ahold of myself, I heard Lucy talking to me. Like actually telling me to right myself and get back to the party. She was never supposed to be anything but a tool for work, but now she’s edging her way into my life. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so scared for my own sanity. Am I going mad? If I am, do I tell someone? Or should I just sort this out on my own? I think if it ever happens again, I’ll talk to the Father. —March 4th/5th, 2012.’
After finishing, Kory turned the page and began writing again, this time just for pleasure. She finished a total of three poems which she titled ‘Shitty Poetry: One Two and Three’ and then she collapsed onto the sofa and finally drifted to sleep.
When she woke up, Kory smelled burnt toast and heard the sizzling of eggs on a frying pan, along with Michelle’s casual whistling as she cooked. Kory didn’t rouse herself right away; she sat on the couch, under the warm blanket, and listened to the calming sounds of her lover. When the toaster popped the burnt bread out, Michelle snatched them quickly and put them on a plate before looking at them.
“Oh shit.” Kory heard Michelle exclaim before she tossed the black squares into the bin and she laughed loudly from under her blanket. “Oh good! You’re awake! Come here baby, I made you breakfast!”
Kory looked over the back of the sofa at Michelle and smiled. Michelle had left her hair down, and it stuck out at a drastic angle from one side of her head. She wore plaid sleeping shorts and a sports bra under Kory’s apron. The apron had once said ‘Kiss the Cook’ but as a joke with herself she had crossed out ‘Kiss’ with a sharpie and scribbled in ‘Snog’ instead. Kory had never actually worn the apron, just let it hang next to the refrigerator as an inside joke, again only with herself.
Michelle cleared her throat and pointed to the words on the apron. “Come here, my dear.”
“Yes my little poet.” Kory threw the blanket off of her body and walked into the kitchen area, where Michelle pulled a Polaroid camera from behind the blender and quickly snapped a photo of Kory.
“Gotcha!” Michelle whooped in excitement as Kory lunged towards her, catching her in her arms and planting her lips firmly on Michelle’s as she tried to retrieve the photo. “Oh no you don’t!”
“M, come on, I'm just in my ‘pants.”
“No darling, you’re in your panties.”
“Sweetie, you’re British now,” Kory said as if she was talking to a child, “we call them pants here. What you call ‘pants,’ we call ‘trousers.’”
“Either way, this is going on the fridge.”
Kory sighed exaggeratedly. “Fine, but make sure we take it down if my parents ever visit.”
“Come on, your parents are okay with your gay-ness. If my parents ever visited and found out I slept in your bed…” Michelle dragged her forefinger across her throat. “Even worse if they found out we were dating, banged, and took near nude photos of each other in the morning.”
“Babe, no one says ‘banged’ anymore, and besides, I don't see any near nude polaroids of you around here.”
“Well the morning isn’t over yet. You still have two hours before class.”
“Ooh, I can think of a few things we can do in two hours.” Kory pulled Michelle in closer to her body and began kissing her neck.
“Me too! We could eat this wonderful breakfast i cooked for you and then we can play patty-cake!”
“Is that what we’re calling it now?”
“No I mean actual patty-cake,” said Michelle with a totally innocent look on her face, “what were you thinking?”
“You’re silly, M.” Kory let go of her and looked around the kitchen. “What did you make for us?”
“Over-easy and toast! Except, the toast burned, and I'm pretty sure it’s inedible now, and i couldn’t keep the yokes from breaking in the eggs so now they’re scrambled.”
“Good, I like scrambled eggs better.”
“Wonderful! Bon appetit!” Michelle served up the eggs and they sat at the coffee table cross-legged and ate.
The eggs were also burnt, but they ate them anyways, and then Kory and Michelle played patty-cake, actual patty-cake, until Kory had to go to class.
On the bus to the pub, Kory had no trouble falling asleep. Her day had been longer than it should have been with only two lectures and a discussion class, and during all of them, she could barely take her mind off of hearing Lucy actually talk to her, and when she could, it was replaced with the fear of just being Michelle’s friend, despite the wonderful morning they had. After hours of worrying, she was exhausted, and the bus seat felt so comfortable. When the bus driver arrived at her stop, she had barely woken up enough to pull the line that requested the stop. The driver did not yell back to her, and Kory did not recognize his face. Kory rushed off the bus without even thanking the driver, and then realized that she still felt raw and exposed in her skimpy work outfit. Typically, her bus ride nap gave her the opportunity to switch to Lucy without a problem, but due to Kory’s newfound fear of her, she couldn’t bring herself to make the change. Kory walked up to the back door of the pub, where Shaun was standing smoking a cigarette.
“Hey Lucy,” He said, “you’re a bit early.”
Kory’s heart skipped a beat. Lucy… “I— yeah, the, uh, bus driver was new…”
“Wouldn’t that make you a bit late?”
“W-what? No, he sped a lot.” Kory hugged herself tightly as she wondered how she was supposed to tend the bar as her normal self.
“Ah, makes sense.” Shaun held his cigarettes out to her. “Fag?”
Something in the back of Kory’s mind laughed at that. “Sure, thanks.” She took the cigarette and lit it with her own lighter, which she always carried to work.
“You look a bit pale, you alright?”
“Fine. I’m—I mean, I’m fine. Just feeling a little under the weather.”
Shaun stubbed the smoke on the bottom of his shoe and dropped the butt into a nearby puddle. “Well, I’ve gotta get back. I’ll see you in there.” He smiled at her as he opened the door, and Kory mustered enough courage to return the smile, though it felt awkward on her face and she said nothing more to him.
Well that was bloody pathetic!
Oh son of a—, Kory thought at Lucy’s appearance, what do you want?
Did you know, said Lucy, avoiding the question, that in America, ‘fag’ means someone who is homosexual? Its like Shaun just called you a fag! Lucy laughed loudly, which Kory thought was strange, seeing as there was no actual noise. You’re a bloody fag with a fag!
Are you going to help me out or not?
Help you? Lucy sounded confused. How and why would I do that?
Because thats why I created you! To help me do my job well!
What’s in it for me?
You get to take over my body for the next six hours. Wouldn’t that be nice? Not having to put up with my ‘pathetic’ social skills?
Hmmm… that does sound nice. Your social skills do make me cringe. Kory wondered how Lucy was able to cringe without an actual face to cringe with. I’ll do it.
Suddenly, Kory felt confident and strong, she felt herself stand up straighter, and even felt some amount of excitement for beginning work. Kory tried to bring her hand up to her mouth to take a drag of the cigarette, but nothing happened. Instead, she reached into her bag and pulled out a small handheld mirror and observed her make-up. As she fixed the minor imperfections in her eyeliner and lipstick, Kory placed the cigarette in her mouth and took drags of it periodically. Kory then began to panic; she did not initiate any of these movements. Typically, when Kory became Lucy, she became more confident and had a more social mindset, but she could always control her own actions.
Something is terribly wrong, Kory tried to say, but only thoughts came out.
“Oh hush,” said Lucy, audibly, “I’m just doing what you said I could. I’ll give you the controls in six hours.” She flicked the remnants of the cigarette into the nearby puddle with nearly a third of the cigarette unsmoked.
I wasn’t done with that, Kory protested, and there’s still another few minutes before we have to start. You could have finished that.
“Well, dear, it’s an awful habit, and I don’t appreciate you treating my body like that.” Kory thought Lucy must like the sound of her own voice; she did not have to speak every time she wanted to say something, but she did anyways.
Inside the pub, Lucy lead Kory’s body through the back of the building to her locker, where she traded her bag for her name tag, which she pinned to her lapel before pulling her shirt to show as much cleavage as possible. Oh my god, Kory thought, I never go that low. Why have a shirt on at all if you’re going to show that much?
Calm down, Kory, Lucy replied, internally this time, at least I’m not going around showing my fanny.
Why would you ev—
Yet. Lucy winked at Kory in the mirror as she walked past. Kory felt like hitting Lucy, and if she had control over her own limbs, she most likely would have, even if she gave herself a black eye.
Lucy skipped out of the back of the building and into the bar area, where she greeted Conner with a friendly hug and a lighthearted ‘hello.’ “How’s it been so far?” She asked him.
“It’s a Monday night,” Conner replied, “How do think it is?”
“Slow then?”
“Very.”
“Oh well.” Lucy shrugged and found a stool to sit on. “You, sir, are free to go. I have it covered up here.” Conner bid her thanks and told her to have a good night, a sentiment which Lucy returned.
As the night progressed, Kory tried to relax, and whenever Lucy thought something directed to her, Kory ignored her. Lucy did the job well, but Kory felt as though Lucy was trying to irritate her with every action, going out of her way to make uncomfortable conversation with every person at the bar. Kory decided that she would come back before her next shift and tell her boss that she could not continue working there, which only irritated Lucy even more.
After a large group of men left, Lucy went to clean up their table, and Kory stopped paying attention. Kory, Lucy thought, do we know the girl that just walked in? She seems awfully familiar. Kory snapped back into reality and saw Michelle walking up to the bar, where she sat down and placed her purse to the side of her on the bar. Don't you dare, Kory thought, knowing exactly what could happen if Michelle met Lucy under these circumstances, that’s Michelle.
Oh well now! Isn’t Michelle the girl you fancy?
Don’t even talk to her. You’ll ruin everything.
Well I can’t just not do my job!
Give me my body back! Let me talk to her! Kory tried to scream, but nothing came out. She fought with Lucy for every step she took toward the bar, but Lucy walked on with no trouble.
“Hello miss,” Lucy said professionally, “what can I get you?”
Michelle looked at her with a half-smile, like she expected something more from her. “Um… You’re Lucy?”
Lucy tapped her name tag. “So it would seem. Were you looking for someone else?”
“Well, I mean… no. I guess not.” Michelle pulled out her wallet and handed Lucy a five pound note. “White Russian please.”
“Could I see an I.D. please?” Lucy asked.
Seriously?
“Seriously?” Michelle replied.
“Of course, miss,” said Lucy, “I can’t risk serving you if you’re under age.”
“Do I look like I’m under eighteen?” said Michelle as she pulled her driver’s license out of her purse and handed it to Lucy.
“Some people would take that as a compliment.” Lucy looked at the I.D. and actually read it, legitimately verifying Michelle’s age.
You really don’t know her do you? Kory asked.
Would I ask who she was if I did? Lucy replied internally, Now be quiet, I’m working. “California? You sound very British for being a valley girl.”
“This is so weird,” Michelle muttered under her breath, “Well I never lived in the valley, I lived on the beach. But I moved here almost four years ago, so I’ve had a little while to adapt.”
“That’s good,” Lucy said as she handed Michelle’s license back to her, “some Brits like Americans, but most just see them as tourists, or as I like to think of it, the rebellious child.” Lucy flipped the bottles around as she poured Michelle’s White Russian, except for the cream, which she pulled out of a small cooler under the bar.
“Oh that’s funny!” Michelle actually laughed, which irritated Kory more than it should have. “I never really got into U.S. history, but I know enough to understand that.”
“You didn’t get into history?” Lucy exclaimed as she loudly placed Michelle’s drink in front of her, “How could you not get into history? It’s only the most funny and fascinating subject to study.”
“Oh wow, I take it you really got into history?”
“Oh by far. I’m actually majoring in it at Royal Holloway.” Lucy picked up a towel and began wiping down the surface of the bar.
“I thought your major was international relations,” Michelle said quizzically.
“No…” Lucy stopped wiping the bar briefly to show Michelle the confused look on her face. “Where did you get that idea?”
Michelle smiled warmly and sipped at her drink. “Okay, I admit, you’ve got Lucy down.”
“I’m sorry?”
“Baby, come on.” Michelle leaned on the counter with her elbows tucked into her sides so that Kory and Lucy could see into her shirt. “Talk to me for real. I missed you today and I have a crazy story for you.”
“Miss,” began Lucy, “I think you have me mistaken with someone else.”
No, Lucy, Kory thought, seeing what was about to happen, please just let me talk to her.
“Kory, I can recognize you anywhere, it doesn’t matter how much make-up you wear, or how much cleavage you show. You’re still my girl.” Michelle reached out and touched Lucy’s face. It was barely a touch, but Kory felt it too, and it felt so wonderful. Quickly, Lucy grabbed Michelle’s hand and pushed her away.
“Ma’am,” she said firmly, “I’ll have to ask you to refrain from touching my face, or calling me baby. You seem very nice, and you’re quite pretty, but I am not your girl. My door just doesn’t swing that way.”
“Damn baby, you really have it all under wraps, don't you?”
“Look lady—”
Lucy, stop.
“I don’t know who you are and you’re starting to freak me out.”
“I wonder if I make you break character…” said Michelle with a mischievous smile.
“What are you talking about?” Asked Lucy loudly, “I’m not a character, I’m a person!”
“I was thinking about that thing you did when we were… celebrating last night.”
“Excuse me?!”
Michelle threw her head back and laughed. “God, it felt so good!” She brought her head back down and looked at Lucy. Not at her eyes, but at her mouth. “You certainly know how to use your tongue.”
“Alright, that’s it.”
Lucy, no. I swear to God if you call—
“Security!” Lucy yelled into the back of the building. “Shaun?!”
When Lucy looked back to Michelle, her smile was gone. In its place was a frightened and bewildered look, as if Lucy pulled a ready gun out from under the bar and fixed it to her. “Kory?” she said, “what are you doing?”
“My name isn’t Kory. My name is Lucy.” Lucy placed her finger on her name tag. “As the bartender in this establishment, I reserve the right to have anyone I see as disturbing the peace escorted from the premises.”
“I knew when I came looking for Lucy, she wouldn’t be the same as my Kory,” Michelle said as Shaun grabbed her by the elbows, “but Kory never told me Lucy was such a twat!”
“Shaun, please get her out of here,” said Lucy, and Kory winced.
I wish we had separate bodies so I could tear you in two, Kory thought.
Ain’t that a shame, thought Lucy smugly.
Just as promised, at the end of Kory’s six hour shift, Lucy gave the control of her body back to Kory. Immediately, Kory ripped off the name tag, pulled her shirt up, grabbed her bag and sprinted out the door without clocking out. As she walked to the bus stop, she smoked a cigarette angrily and thought about how she was going to explain what had happened to Michelle. She finished her cigarette as she arrived at the bus stop, and in one fluid motion, she flicked the butt into the street and pulled out a fresh one, which she lit as she mumbled inaudibly, “Fuck you Lucy, they’re my goddamn lungs.”
When the bus arrived, Kory was three cigarettes down and dizzy from the nicotine. She boarded the bus and didn’t reply when Chris bid her a good morning, instead she walked all the way to the back of the bus and let her anger and embarrassment steep in silence. The half-hour bus ride seemed like it took ten minutes, and Kory had not decided what to tell Michelle, so she decided to just tell the truth, about everything.
When she opened the door to her flat, Kory heard Michelle’s voice. She paused for a second with her hand on the door knob, just listening to Michelle talk. She sounded calm, but distinctly sad, Kory couldn’t hear what exactly she was saying. Quietly, she stepped into her flat and sat right on the floor in front of her door, still listening. Kory felt a tugging sensation in the pit of her stomach, not like she was going to be sick, but the feeling people get when their arm breaks just before the pain sets in, like the sickening realization that something has gone horribly wrong. But what Kory felt wasn’t a momentary realization, it was much longer than that, as if she was experiencing it all in slow motion.
“Okay, I love you too,” Kory heard Michelle say into her phone, “yeah, I’ll see you soon. You too.” Kory stood up and walked slowly into the living room. “Kory?” said Michelle cautiously.
“It’s me,” she said quietly, “Look baby, I’m so sorry about what happened at the bar, I didn’t mean for it to go that far, and I understand if you’re angry but—“
“Kory, sit down.” Michelle motioned to the other half of the love-seat that she sat on, and obediently, Kory sat.
“If this is about Lucy, I want you to know—“
“I’m moving back to the States.” If she had stated the day of the week there would have been more emotion in her voice. “I leave tomorrow night.”
“Darling, you’re scaring me.”
“Now you know how I felt when I looked into your eyes and saw no affection.” Michelle looked into Kory’s eyes, but Kory looked down. “It hurts to know that you love me so little that you can just turn it off at will.”
“No!” Kory yelled, grabbing at Michelle’s hand as she stood to walk away. “It’s not—“
“Don’t.” Michelle violently pulled her hand out of Kory’s. “Don’t touch me.” She stepped around the coffee table and retrieved a suit case from behind the sofa. “And don’t try to call me.”
With that, Michelle walked towards the door. She opened it with her left hand, placing her back facing Kory, who said simply, “please don’t.” Michelle paused slightly like she might come back, but she just looked forward.
“Goodbye, Kory.”
